As I’ve said, I have a rare cancer, a sarcoma (makes up 1% of all cancer diagnoses), and then my sarcoma is rare within that category. It is the desmo-plastic small round cell tumor which is typically very aggressive and fast growing; so that by time it’s found it has spreed pretty extinsively throughout the body. My doctor came in scratching his head last night, I had just had the PET/CT scan the day before where some real specificity was given to my mass; he basically continues to say that he can’t believe it (not exactly in those words). My sarcoma is relatively small (relative to other sarcoma growth), it hasn’t spread, per se; he can’t believe the nature of my mass, not only has it not spread, not only is it realtively small — and hear’s the kicker — it also has calcification, which means that this has probably been there for quite awhile (with no spread). Given the expectations with this kind of tumor, and its unexpected pathology and trajectory; I can only look to the LORD and say, thank you! He has made it really clear to me that He is holding on to this tumor, that His hand is on it, that He would even confound the wisdom of the wise through this process. He assured me of this before we knew that much of this tumor, and He has brought that to pass; He is a God who keeps His Word.

When fear of death hits me, the LORD reminds me of John 11:4:

“When he heard this, Jesus said, ‘This sickness will not end in death. No, it is for God’s glory so that God’s Son may be glorified through it.”

He reminds me that He kept and is keeping His Word on containing the mass as it is; and that I can trust Him to keep His Word that He keeps giving to me here in John and other places. He is a faithful God.

This chemo is starting to kick my butt a little; feeling realing tired, and kind of sick to my stomach. Please continue to pray that the chemo works, and that I won’t get sick from this poison that’s going “drip, drip, drip,” next to my head; a constant reminder that I’ve been hooked up.