I just wanted to jot down all the positive things that the Lord has done ever since this whole ordeal has started; I thought this would be therapeutic for me, since lately I’ve been getting bombarded with negative things that really aren’t even true (i.e. spiritual warfare).
- The tumor was/is self-contained.
- My cancer is curable and operable.
- My cancer is typically fast growing and spreading, instead it has been acting like a slow growing tumor, even having calcified before chemo started (which means the Lord did and is doing a miracle with my cancer).
- We have been provided for financially from the get go, and continue to be.
- My doctors, both of them, have recently said that my cancer is curable.
- My heart is still healthy.
- The chemo has actually been effective, it has shrunk my tumor significantly.
- The Lord has been speaking to me in very clear ways, ways that are reassuring and filled with His hope.
- The Lord has been sustaining my family.
- I am still physically healthy, I haven’t gotten sick in any ways, except for recent side effects from the chemo.
- The Lord has visited us in special ways, i.e. in the beginning of all this I’m sure we had an angel-experience (and in the mean time so has our son).
- I have constantly been reassured that I am going to live through this whole thing; the Lord has given me John 11:4 as my primary verse of hope, He was speaking this passage to my heart in the very beginning of all of this, even before I identified it in John 11:4 (the impression He gave me, early on was: “this is not unto death”).
- We have seen the body of Christ in ways that we have never seen it before (at least in a personal/experiential way) . . . that includes all of you guys (amazing)!
There are many other things that the Lord has done through this, but I think this will be a good list to refer to when the enemy comes in like a flood trying to rob me/us of the hope that the Lord has and is working in and through our lives. He is faithful, and meets us at every step; He always reassures, before each doctor visit, that there is good news coming, and it always is good news. His grace is sufficient, and I know He is going to see us through this whole ordeal. May 6th is certainly a “D-day” of sorts, and He has reassured me that that is going to go well too; given the above I have no reason to doubt that at all (to me the above are like rememberance stones that we can take into the future and know that we can trust God’s Word to us — that in fact we “know” His voice cf. Jn 10).
P.S. I am a thinker type, which can be good or bad; at the moment it’s not so good. I have a whole month before surgery, and really nothing to do; please pray that I would be able to find something to do to occupy my time, so I don’t have time to think too much. This is one of the reasons I made this list, because when the negative thoughts come in I want the truth of what God has already done to be written down so I can refer to it and find hope! Thank you all . . .
The Evangelical Christian 
April 6, 2010 at 11:47 pm
Hi Bobby!
I believe the Jews were told to leave a pile of stones in the midst of Jordan to remind them from whence they csme, and how they got there. This post is kinda like your pile of rocks.
praying for the “Monk”‘s family too.
April 7, 2010 at 4:08 pm
That’s right, Duane. That’s what I was thinking of too; He works the same today as He did then!
April 7, 2010 at 1:38 am
You got it!!!!
I’m shocked about iMonk though…..wow
April 7, 2010 at 4:09 pm
Thanks, Gav.
Yeah, Monk went quick; what bliss He is experiencing now, now His family certainly needs our prayers.
April 7, 2010 at 1:51 pm
Hi Bobby,
My mom calls me her ‘eraser child,’ I empathize with the whole overthinking bit – praying for you 🙂
April 7, 2010 at 4:10 pm
Thanks, Michele. Yeah, I’ve always been an overthinker . . . it’s good or bad!
April 7, 2010 at 3:12 pm
Dear Bobby,
From the moment you came to call on Jesus’ Name you died with him. This is a promise that will finally drown out everything else we call “reality”. Your life can no longer be defined by the basic principles of this world…which are coming to nothing. Now the Lord is your life. And the Lord is powerful, immutable, faithful, eternal, free, glorious, beautiful, joyous, unstoppable, wise, righteous, and full of peace. This is your life; which is basically one big middle finger towards cancer.
April 7, 2010 at 3:14 pm
Sorry if that last bit sounds a bit offensive. I couldn’t think of any better way of modernizing “Where oh death is your sting, where oh grave your victory?”
April 7, 2010 at 4:07 pm
Thanks Emerson,
I like that last line, that pretty much sums up the way I feel towards cancer; my problem is that I married to a beautiful women, have a beautiful 9 yr old daughter, and a handsome 6 yr old son. My hearts desire is to stay here with them, and be part of their lives; and to be honest I think this is the Lord’s desire to.
Am I afraid to die? Yes, actually I’m afraid of the process; I most certainly don’t want to die from cancer — and I don’t plan on it!!! So No I’m not afraid to die, it’s just that I believe we were created to LIVE, even when we die to ourselves — which in fact is real living as you sum up so nicely.
I really thank you for your comment, I actually like that “middle finger” line (and I don’t cuss 😉 ). That’s how I feel too, Jesus has kicked this cancers butt and left it dead in the grave along with every other gross sin and death there is. What a day when He’ll throw death and hades into hell . . . come quickly, LORD!
April 7, 2010 at 4:24 pm
Praying for you brother.
I recently heard of a woman with cancer who’d always finish her health updates with, “… still, nothing a resurrection won’t fix.”
Words to live by!
April 7, 2010 at 5:55 pm
Thank you, Glen!
And, Amen. Sometimes I feel so alone, but then I realize we’re all in the same boat, we all need the resurrection! I’m just hoping to experience some of that resurrection power in the sense that I am cured from this stinking thing . . . a foreshadowing and taste of what is coming for all of us!
April 7, 2010 at 9:32 pm
Bobby,
I have been following you a lot lately, even though I have not commented. Not much to say usually, and Heather is usually logged on . .
Anyhow, I want you to know I have been praying for you daily. Also, as to the over thinking thing, (I tend toward that, too) I have learned (in much lighter struggles I am sure) to bury myself in Phil 4. My little paraphrase:
Don’t worry, instead by prayer – for myself, and supplication – for others, with thanksgiving to God for who He is – give it to God and leave it there (that’s the hard part) and the peace of God will guard my heart and mind. Then think on the things that are true, honorable, just, pure, lovely, of good report, of virtue, of praise.
If I sit and think, “I don’t want to worry about X, well I will worry about X. But if I give X to God, and then thank Him for Who and What He is, I have something to “do” instead.
You probably already knew that, not intending to patronize. Just my simple thinking.
Praying for you, and waiting for the angel stories. . . did I miss them?
Craig
April 7, 2010 at 11:56 pm
Thank you, Craig!
I really appreciate your advice, and that passage from Philippians has been a favorite of mine for years. I think you’re right, in fact on my walk this evening this is exactly what I did; I was overcome by God’s glory (by just looking at creation, i.e. the tall evergreens and the snow filled foothills that surround where we live). I was able to “get out of myself,” and just rest in His “bigness” — what a nice break!
I will have to share the angel stories soon! The way the Lord ministered to our son, in this way, is very touching; and even more than that, highly encouraging!
April 8, 2010 at 11:26 pm
That’s a good idea–to make a list of your blessings rather than dwell on unpleasant possibilities or outright lies. I ought to remember to do that.
Have been praying for your family. Will remember your eye.